New Moon in Virgo
As I stood on top of the Mountain last week and celebrated my birthday, I had one strong common thought, this Virgo New Moon was going to be a powerful one for me, personally. Virgo’s are all about health and organization. Two things that this Virgo is not good at. I don’t know if it’s the end of the Saturn in Retrograde that has me so deep into these New Moon feelings or if it is just that the New Moon energy is hitting me hard, but I’ve been faced with a lot of body and health feelings and emotions lately.
Last year at this time I had two large tumors. I was lucky that they turned out to be non-cancerous, but I have still suffered from the experience. I didn’t talk much about it because not only did I have these tumors, my nervous system also decided to get so overwhelmed that it practically shut down. I couldn’t be around noise, crowds or wear clothing that was restrictive in any way. I started to develop this odd habit of my spinal cord pulsating followed by what feels like the flu for three or more days. It so closely resembles the flu that once it hits, all I can do is sleep. For days. This is not an exaggeration, it’s the truth. I slept through most of the winter of 2018 and have been working very slowly this year to build back what little health I had. It’s been a painful process all around. Even the simple things like cooking dinner for myself at night has at times, become impossible for me. I have spent everyday of 2018 working to get my health back to baseline. I don’t need healthy yet, I just wanted to focus on baseline. I wanted to get back to a place that looked like a simple version of normal. Waking up at a normal time, walking my dog, cooking meals, trying to do one project a day.
As I stood on top of the Mountain, I felt this wave of gratitude for the opportunity to be up there. I was grateful for a body that could handle the effort it took to be there. I was grateful that I was able to keep up with able bodied people and did not suffer from it the next day with a flare up. I was grateful that I’ve reached baseline. I even admired how even after 5 major illnesses or injuries in my life, my body is as strong as it is. I loved my body in that moment for what it is, an important part of me that I’ve been struggling with since I was young.
This Virgo New Moon is all about health. Not just health of the physical body but also health of your life, your relationships, your communities, your country and of your planet. It’s focused on health of all the places we depend on as our home. It’s not just internal health but it’s also external health. It’s about realizing places we have neglected and realizing how we want to heal them.
When I came back from the Mountain, I was also met with the reality of this New Moon. I am middle aged and my body is not bouncing back like it once did. I was hit with a wall of regret and grief. Yes, I can walk over 6 miles a day now and I do most days along with biking, but it’s taking longer for my body to look like it. I realized that my skin is losing it’s youthful glow and tenderness. I was hit with the notion that my body could and probably is, starting to sag. I was hit with the reminder that my body is starting to show all the health issues I have had in a physical way. From falling off a horse as a teenager and permanently damaging my spine and major nerves, to being bed ridden twice now for extended period of times, my body is showing it’s wounds in physical scars and changing of sizes.
Where are you starting to show your wounds? Are they physical, mental or emotional? I believe this Virgo New Moon will show us where these wounds are so we can see them and work to heal them. They won’t become invisible to us, but maybe we can allow them to heal in a way where we can still love them. What have you been hiding from the world that you are now ready to share? There’s a truth telling along with this New Moon. It’s the urge to finally be strong enough to admit we need help. Are you ready to face your eating habits and start to heal the urges that cause you to binge eat, or to restrict your diet so much that you are starving yourself? Are you ready to heal your emotional wounds from childhood that caused you to get into a relationship that is not for your highest good and probably should end? Are you ready to start working towards improving your communities so that we are all a little more generous and safe and truly do the work it takes?
“what if you hit the part of your recovery where you now have the energy to think about your appearance?” She asked me as we drove up the mountain.
We talked about how I’ve been so focused on survival that I often didn’t have the space or energy to think about how I looked to others. I could only focus on the baseline and recovery. Now that I’ve hit baseline, I have more room to worry about physical appearance and attractiveness. It’s not something I’m comfortable with or happy about. I’m now realizing that I feel like I’ve lost decades without appreciating my beauty. I’ve had so many issues come up in my body that have pushed me further and further away from it. I’m now spending my days tending to my physical health only to realize how neglected it had become. I know this was a necessity but I’m still grieving over it.
This New Moon is giving us an opportunity to set some intentions around changing these feelings and taking some forgiving and loving action. This New Moon is giving us the inspiration to set some intentions around health and wellness. It’s giving us opportunities to see both sides of the situation, so we can heal with love. It’s giving us the energy to make real changes. What can you do to help heal yourself, your community, your country or even this planet? What can you do to heal your heart so you can heal your life?
As I swam in these emotions about my body for this Ritual, Ev’Yan Whitney and her #sensualselfiechallenge appeared before me. She has been asking people to find the beauty in themselves, even when it’s hard. I see all these beautiful women and men posting photos and being so intimate about how they feel about their bodies. It’s been such a good sign from the heavens that maybe, just maybe, these feelings of frustrations and sadness can give away to feelings of beauty and sexiness. Maybe we can use this Virgo to not only get these intentions set but to also have fun with them? Maybe we can even carve a little sexy time in so we can feel good in our beautiful bodies.
A Ritual for Healing
Start this Ritual with water. I want us to use the feminine and healing energy of water. You can take a shower, a bath or drink this water but let’s honor this energy. Once you have spent time with water, grab your journal and go into nature. Spend time feeling the earth below your feet, below where you are sitting or laying down. Let the breeze wash over you. Listen to the birds and the bugs near by. Write in your journal how you are feeling. How does you body feel? Your mind? Your emotions. Write down where you want to heal and forgive. Write down easy things you can do between now and the end of the year to honor your body. Want to join me on my quest for 6 miles a day or more of walking? Want to go on a 30 day fresh food eating meal plan to give your body a break before the holidays? Want to honor your body by loving it, even if it is a size that society does not approve of? Are you ready to start therapy to finally address issues that are making your life harder than it needs to be? Write all these idea’s down so you can see what the themes are. Set your intentions around these ideas that are small and easy. Actions you know you will take to help manifest your intentions.
Take time to be present in your body. Feel love for wherever you are right now. Feel love for the scars, the pains and the reality that we are only here for a finite amount of time. Let’s honor our bodies, our communities and our earth. As on ode to the #sensualselfiechallenge, follow Ev’Yan Whitney on Instagram and sign up for her events and start now. Take a beautiful selfie of yourself this week. Send it to someone special or post it online. Spend time seeing the beauty of who you are, inside and out.
I will be working on healing my body and how I see it. I will setting intentions around movement, eating, caring for my body as well as setting intentions for laughing more, enjoying my body more and working towards being able to be more able bodied than before. I will also be working on seeing myself as sexy and beautiful. I’m not yet ready for the Sensual Selfie Challenge but this time next year, I full intend to sign up for it. I get a whole year to practice noticing my beauty and showing it off. I get a year to practice Rituals that will help me ease into this sensual way of life.
This week let’s set some intentions around healing and self love. Let’s acknowledge what needs to be healed so we can forgive and work to move forward towards love.