Giving Ourselves Permission.....
Lately I have been struggling with my health, my writing, tensions at my “day job” and my spiritual connection. This is very difficult for me to admit out loud. My health has been an ongoing struggle over the last year and then starting about a month or so ago, the rituals became very hard to write. In the past the energy would flood in to me and it was effortless, but recently it has been slow and meager. I have never experienced writer’s block before so this is new and has troubled me. It has felt like being stuck in a swamp at night with no lights to guide the way.
As I drove along a beautiful two-lane country road this week, I thought over what would happen if I gave myself permission to just admit to it all. What if I allowed myself to admit it’s been a challenge working full time while having not just one but three successive health crises this year. It’s been hard to keep up a spiritual practice while also trying to keep my job. It’s also been hard to be a creative person in an environment that does not reward creativity. The end result it seems, is that the rituals aren’t easily accessed when I feel so depleted.
Here’s what I thought: What would happen if I gave myself permission to not only admit these things but to also allow myself to rest. To just take some time off to refill my creative reservoir, and allow my body to heal, to spend time with my dying dog and go on adventure days with her so she can leave the earth in peace. What if I gave myself permission to make a career change to something that will allow me to take care of myself and help others? What if I gave myself permission to just be still. No music, no friends, no clients, no writing, no work. Just rest.
This question has been rolling around in my heart and brain so much that I accidently slept through a brunch I very much wanted to attend as there were going to be like-minded individuals present and I am hoping to restart my New Moon groups in Seattle. These thoughts were swirling around as I took my dog on a writing adventure day and she happily came along. We drove with no music and slow enough that the windows could be down. These questions have been engulfing me as I stopped myself this week from having a full blown anxiety attack. All the hateful things that I have grown accustomed to hearing and sensing suddenly seemed so close that I had to stop myself before I went too far down the rabbit hole of anxiety. I remembered last year when I pushed my body too hard and learned – the hard way - that working through the pain is not a life-long answer to chronic illnesses. The idea of giving myself permission to rest and heal may allow me to heal my heart enough that I can turn to myself for love, for compassion, for excitement. I don’t need someone else to fulfill my dreams because I can do it for myself. I can learn to love myself exactly how I need to be loved so that when I do meet someone, our relationship is based in fun rather than emotional entanglement.
This week we are giving ourselves permission to……
What do you need to give yourself permission to do? Do you need a break from your family to recharge? Do you need to wake up earlier in the morning to give yourself time to meditate? Do you need to give yourself permission to do nothing? Or do you need to give yourself permission to learn something new? To take a dance class, to take a lover, to return to your studio?
What do you need right now? We want to acknowledge the changes we all have been experiencing lately and to give ourselves space to integrate these new energies. We want to recharge our creative batteries so we can continue our spirit path. We want to accept that sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to admit things that are hard and to rest.
Take a nap. Seriously. This ritual involves taking a nap and writing down what we need. It could be anything from a refreshing glass of fresh juice to a long salt water bath to relax our muscles. We might need our favorite dinner cooked for us by someone we adore or a long walk in the park listening to just nature. Let’s use this list as a prescription to heal. What do you need right now?