It’s been another busy week.
I finalized my Chemotherapy schedule and started the last of my pre-chemo appointments. This included getting a port placed on my chest. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Physically and emotionally.
The neck is a sensitive area and I now realize it more than ever. I left the Cancer center yesterday in pain and with medications that I know make me sick. I have taken them in the past and have had about a 40-60% chance they would make me ill. I was in so much pain that I needed the medications but was scared to take them. I was right. I ended up being very sick which landed me in the ER.
I will spare you guys the details but needless to say, I am now aware at how much I need to advocate for myself in the medical system. I need to be very clear with the health care professionals about what I can and can not take or do. I never want to burden people when I am receiving help nor do I want to trigger the them because at times I require pain medications but this is causing me to get sicker as I go deeper into this medical journey.
How can I approach people in the medical field and explain my body and situation in a way that they care hear me. I am a unique person that knows her body and yet, I constantly feel ignored or challenged. I want this to be a group project where I am seen and heard. This had made me realize that I need to do some work around my throat chakra this weekend. I need to learn to learn to speak up for myself and my needs. I want to go deep into this neck surgery experience so I can understand why this was such a triggering experience for me, mentally and physically.
But today I rest.
I am not sure if my body will accept the port or if I will need to get it removed. I am so aware of the device and the bruising that I can’t separate what is hurting and how long it will hurt. So I will spend the day drinking tea and healing smoothies. I will give myself permission to just rest.
Cancer is a real journey.
It tests you and helps you to crystal clear on the areas where you need growth. And as we all know, growing pains are real.