Last week I cut my long hair off.
I needed to have my hair short so I could prepare mentally for what’s going to happen next. The haircut was a wonderful experience with my friends and I am forever grateful for their support. We made a party out of it. I brought a large amount of fresh fruits and veggies from the local Co-Op and some amazing cheeses. We also brought a couple of freshly made donuts as a special treat. My friend hosted a little gathering at her cabin in the woods which is a place I love. She picked the perfect time where we were laughing and telling stories to announce that it was time to cut it all off.
I was worried I was going to cry. This cancer thing is starting to get very real and small little things seem to move me more than they used too. But, this party with my best friends was such a loving experience that I came away feeling strong. I cut my hair as a choice before the chemo could take it from me. I did it right before the full moon and with people I love.
In medical news, I received some important information this week that has given me a lot of answers to why all of this is happening. It turns out I have a rare genetic mutation that has most likely caused this. For some reason just knowing this information has helped me to feel better. I know a little more about what I am up against and what I need to do to take care of myself once this health crisis is over. I also found out this week that I have more than one type of cancer going on. In fact, I have three. Three different types of cancers that need to be treated all in different ways. It feels overwhelming to think about it but luckily the doctor had already told me the plan if this scenario was to happen.
Sometimes it feels like every worse case scenario is happening. Hidden breast cancers, different kinds of cancer, genetic mutation that will most likely cause re-occurrence. It all feels like so much but then I also have this rule for myself. The only way I will survive this is with humor. I have to be able to laugh and see the positives of this situation. I need people to laugh with me. This isn’t a death sentence right now, its a situation that will cause me to take a year off from most things.
As I told my friend last night, “It won’t be my favorite year of my life, but I will make it through and be fine”.
Then we cheered to a glass half-full mindset. Yes, I have cancer. Yes, I have a hard road ahead. No, I will not let this take away my sense of humor, my cheerfulness, my kindness or my optimism. I plan on watching nothing but comedy specials and comedy entertainment. I want and need to laugh as much as possible during this time. The new doctor I saw on Friday even commented on how positive I was. She said if I can maintain this level of humor, acceptance and determination to heal; that I will be just fine. In fact, I plan on being more than just fine. I plan on coming out of this a better and happier person.
My new cancer hero is Julia Louie Dreyfus. I admire the way she was able to weave her work and love of comedy throughout her treatments and cancer experience. It gives me hope. Someone that can do what she loves and still laugh through this kind of situation is someone that I admire greatly.
I have another big week ahead of finalizing the chemo plan, getting a port placed into my chest and then my first chemo session. My mother is coming out to help me prepare. I am also obsessing over all the hats and turbans I want to buy from this site https://www.headcovers.com/ . I plan on hats and turbans only during my treatment. When I am awake with insomnia at night I can be found googling Turbans in Hollywood from the 30’s to the 70’s.
I also have a birthday coming up. It’s hard to think that my birthday this year will revolve around my first chemo treatment. I just keep reminding myself how grateful I am that this was caught so early and that I live in an amazing city for people with Cancer. Seattle really is wonderful in that way. I have a large cancer team that is helping to keep me alive.